Attachment styles are formed in childhood through interactions with primary caregivers. The quality of these interactions can shape how we learn to trust and relate to others. Although they form in childhood, we often carry them forward into our adult relationships.
This is a very quick introduction to attachment styles.
If we had caregivers who consistently responded to our needs, were emotionally available, and provided us with a sense of security, we are more likely to develop a secure attachment style. Those with a secure attachment style, are comfortable with intimacy and able to trust others easily. They have a positive view of themselves and others and feel confident in their abilities to form relationships. Generally, they feel comfortable expressing feelings and needs.
On the other hand, if our caregivers were inconsistent or unavailable, we may develop an anxious-preoccupied attachment style, where we rely on others in order to feel secure. Those with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style may feel insecure in relationships and crave intimacy and attention. They may worry about being abandoned or rejected and often seek reassurance from their partners, friends, and coworkers. They may be overly sensitive to rejection or criticism and struggle to trust relationships.
If our caregivers were dismissive of our emotional needs or discouraged emotional expression, we may develop an avoidant-dismissive attachment style, where we avoid emotional connection in order to protect ourselves. Those with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style may appear emotionally distant and struggle with expressing their feelings. They may have a fear of intimacy or vulnerability and prefer to keep relationships superficial. They sometimes reject others out of a fear of being rejected.
Finally, if we experienced both neglect and abuse, we may develop a fearful-avoidant attachment style, where we have conflicting desires for emotional connection but fear being hurt or rejected. Those with this attachment style may have conflicting desires for intimacy and emotional connection but fear being rejected or hurt. They may be hesitant to get close to others but also feel insecure and crave emotional connection. They often struggle with trust issues and have difficulty expressing feelings and needs.
It's important to keep in mind that these attachment styles aren't set in stone and can change over time. Therapy can be a great resource to help individuals identify their attachment style and work towards changing patterns of behavior that are causing problems in their relationships.
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